Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Things I've learned since my 27th birthday.

I turn 28 on Saturday. I'm not terribly shy about my age; given my family history (and barring incident) I've got a good five or six decades to go. But it's been a big year for me, so I thought I'd share.

-- Mutual desperation is not the same thing as love.

-- If you have to pee, and you have to sneeze, for God's sake do it in that order.

-- If you decide it's not working out, and you tell him so, and his response is to ask how you can change ... it's not ever going to work out.

-- Avoid saying things like "ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD" at work if you don't want a lot of weird looks. (Of course, if that's your thing, go for it.) (And if you don't get weird looks, I want to work where you work.)

-- Once is an accident. Two times is coincidence. Three times, ask to speak to a supervisor as soon as the call connects.

-- If you stop doing something you love because someone else makes you feel bad about it, do I really need to finish this sentence?

(You may have noticed a bit of theme here.

-- "Practical" and "awesome" don't have to exclude each other. However, if forced to choose, "practical" is usually the better choice.

-- Don't ever forget that you have friends. If nothing else, at least Mr. Rogers likes you just the way you are. That's a starting point.

-- There's a great deal to be said for leading a quiet life. For one thing, it makes background checks a lot easier.

-- "Twenty years nothing, and then it all piles up in one day!" isn't just a line from Looney Tunes. It's prophecy. Beware.

-- Percoset is a mean sumbitch.

-- Trader Joe's makes a mean fruit pop.

Feel free to drop your own observations in the comments. L'Chaim!


Guffaw in AZ said...

Amen, Joanna!
Mutual desperation is NOT love. But, may suffice in the interim.
Percoset is not the only mean sumbitch. There's morphine drip (with atavan!)
And people look at you sideways, and sometimes laugh when a customer's call ends and you exclaim, "What a Maroon!"

North said...

Excellent list. I'll add:

Learn which friends are your friends.


Mad Saint Jack said...

“Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action”
― Ian Fleming

Stretch said...

Never let your boss go to a trade show unescorted. Bosses always believe the vendors with the best displays/booth babes.

Never leave personal positions in your cubicle when you are asked to "Drop by HR."

Given a choice, get the dental hygienist with the biggest tits. It wont hurt less but you'll have better lies for your buddies.

Never correct the lady filling her Prius from the green pump. If she thinks it's good for the planet who are you to disillusion her.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday, young lady.

Shootin' Buddy