James Lileks has a hilarious Bleat today about his experience with sedation dentistry (apparently you take a good part of the sedative before you even get there, so he was pretty loopy to begin with), including several messages he attempted to send from the dentist's chair before he went completely out. My favorite passage:
When the wheelchair arrived, I said, and they quote, “It’s just like 1939 in World War Two in old Englandy.” Yes, Englandy – as if I was trying to say “England” and “Blighty” and fused the two. Or perhaps it was the adjective form of England. Up we went to the office; I remember wishing everyone good morning, and I remember everyone being very cheerful - probably a dim recollection of everyone trying to keep from laughing in my face, because I'd undone my fly and was stuffing my keys in my pants like they did in old Englandy. During the war. Dreadful time, don't you know. Spot of bother. I have a recollection of being eased into the chair, and Dr. A handed me a cup of something I think I called "Clown Sauce."I sympathize greatly with this, in a laughing-until-I-pee kind of way, because when I broke my arm in high school they put me half-under to set it. I don't remember anything except looking at the room with my eyes closed (some of you know what I mean, I'm sure), but my mother tells me I clearly told the doctor to "keep your hands off the trees." No idea where that came from.
Then recalling I was supposed to send a twitter from the chair.
So, of course, I did.
Upon reading what I send, I thought I’d left it the iPhone in my pocket and the dentist had activated it by leaning over and pressing it, but all the tweets came too close together for that. First I wrote:
This is a reference to the three pills I’d taken.
That was the extent of message number two. A statement of wonder, perhaps. Or maybe “oh right, I’m supposed to take a picture.”
So I did:
My thumb, over the lens. Nature may abhor a vacuum, but it loves a gradient.
I think that’s a reference to the ancient Norse God of being high as a balloonist’s toupee. Next:
Thtre pilldlsbv and I csvzzzz
Three pills and I can’t? Three pills and I (cartoon sound of sawing logs?) Next:
In the cchio
In the chair, I think. Or slang for being taken care of by a gullible old cobbler - it was "in like Pinocchio," but it was shortened over time. The final cryptic message from Major Tom:
Meati tobbtsirv I mr-tobsatmn iysbnivrbnjnlvbbnb. Okay A moo
Okay a moo, indeed. It's almost Russian until it goes all Cthulhu on you, then ends with a hipper bye-bye: Okay a moo!