That's all, folks.

I've been running this blog for a good seven years now, and it's been fun. I've decided it's time to shut it down and start something new. Ta!

UPDATE: You can now find me at Quart of Soup and a Pudding Pop.

Christmas Is Interesting

Lyrics by Jonathan Coulton.

You have put on your feety pajamas
It's time for a long winter's nap
There's a knock on the door and a stranger is there
He wants you to sit on his lap
He takes your watch and he gives you a hairbrush
Your wife gets a wig on a chain
He says he can't stay
'Cause he's got a long way to go
And it's starting to rain

Christmas is interesting
Like a knife in your heart
Christmas is interesting
How it tears you apart
Christmas is interesting
Like a stick in your eye
It's so freaking interesting
That it might make you cry

So you're an elf, but you'd rather be a dentist
Maybe you're a train with square wheels
Maybe you're a squirt gun that only shoots jam
Now you know how Jesus feels
He is riding a sleigh he calls Rosebud
His mansion is lonely and cold
He can't remember a pleasant December
When he wasn't tired and old

Christmas is interesting
Like a knife in your heart
Christmas is interesting
How it tears you apart
Christmas is interesting
Like a stick in your eye
It's so freaking interesting
That it might make you cry

So you're drunk and your name is Jimmy Stewart
You once had a wonderful life
Then you lost all your money, you cracked up your car
You yelled at your favorite wife
You go to bed and you wait for Jacob Marley
He comes to make you feel brave
But under his cloak he is nothing but smoke
And a finger that points at your grave

Christmas is interesting
Like a knife in your heart
Christmas is interesting
How it tears you apart
Christmas is interesting
Like a stick in your eye
It's so freaking interesting
That it might make you cry

Since when does "ephemera" mean "the machine that makes the paper"?

While I don't personally own any large appliances (I have them and use them, but I didn't buy them and they're not in my name), I have been exposed to their premature failure. Therefore, this little story about "Krappetown" rings a little too true for comfort. My godmother is a great believer is extended warranties and service contracts, and it serves her well. For example, she bought a new washing machine (fairly) recently, and she's had to have it repaired probably four or five times already. Last visit, the repairman said her old dryer would probably outlast the new washer. Thing's a plastic piece of junk. She's had similar issues with her fridge refusing to chill properly. And a couple weeks ago, the furnace in my side (the apartment side) of the house conked out -- the pilot light/element/whatever wouldn't stay lit/glowing/whatever, and I had no heat. (No big deal, comfort-wise; this was before it got really cold, and the apartment is crazy insulated.) The furnace is only a few years old, but the circuit board was already bad. Would have cost some $450 without the service contract. So service contracts, I have learned, are pretty awesome; but I'm of the opinion that they shouldn't be needed in the first place. At least, not in at least the first five years of an appliance's life.

The column linked above also talks about computers. Now there, I've been lucky. I had a Gateway desktop when I started college, and when I upgraded to a laptop after three years I picked up a Toshiba. Worth mentioning is that my parents took the desktop to replace their old clunker of a PC, and as far as I know it kept ticking for another four years or so. Lappy 1 lasted about four years before bluescreening, and Lappy 2 has ticked along nicely for right about three years now. It shows no signs of slowing down except for the Internet cable jack, which was my fault. (Did you know a USB plug almost fits exactly in there? And that it's not too hard to force in if you're not paying attention? And that once that happens, a cat-5 cable will never sit snugly in there again, leading to jiggling and cursing and shouts of "Come on, stay connected already! I wanna see the funny cat!"? Yeah. Come to think of it, I should probably get that fixed.)

Anyway, all of that to say: I'm not one of those hardcore "Buy American, or buy nothing" types; I just want a good product at a reasonable price. Unfortunately, that's getting harder and harder to find, from U.S. or any manufacturers. The same repairman who commented about the old dryer outlasting the new washer also said that if the washer had been made with quality metal parts (like, say, 40 years ago), it would last, sure, but it would also cost twice as much in the store. A $400 appliance would run you $800 at least. I really don't know where to assign the blame for that. Fiat currency, the cost of fuel, greedy executives, consultants, planetary alignment -- it's all such a mish-mash of factors that I kinda gave up on making sense out of it. Maybe when I get my own place I'll go retro for appliances, outfitting my kitchen and laundry room in avacado or powder blue sheet metal that's older than I am instead of brand new brushed steel. (Which would be awesome for lots of reasons besides reliability. And for the record, my current stove is avocado, and it is indeed awesome.) I think it's part of why kids these days (heh) are so into manual typewriters and record players and big retro bicycles and things like that -- they're solid, and they don't feel like they'll crap out after three years so you have to get the latest model. On the other hand, they've all got iPhones. *sigh*

If you need me, I'll be on Craigslist, window shopping.

I get worked up just thinking about it.

So all day yesterday, I sat in my window-view cube and watched the rain change over to snow. It was pretty and it wasn't sticky, so I wasn't too worried about my drive home. And I was right! The roads were wet but not that slick, there was precisely 0" accumulation and nothing was frozen. I thought to myself, "Sweet! Take it easy, go maybe 5 under, and watch my braking, and I should be home in no time. Easy peasy, livin' greasy."

And then I got stuck behind a little brown sedan with an Amway sticker, driven by Stan McNormalguy.

I came up behind him at a red light, and when it turned green, hand to God it took at least fifteen seconds for him to reach 25 mph. Which, it turned out, was his optimal (read: OHGODOHGODOHGODI'MGOINGTOSPINOUTANDDIE) cruising speed. This was on 86th Street. I have never in my life wanted so badly to ram someone off the road. I turned off first chance I got and didn't look back, not so much for my sake as for his. I was seriously flirting with full-on road rage (I'm not proud of that -- I'm normally a pretty mellow driver). In retrospect, I should have checked his license plate -- if it said "Alabama" or some such, that would have pretty well squared everything. But still: 25 in a 40, when the snow's not even sticking? Gimme a break. I hope the rest of the winter isn't like this.

Oh, criminy.

There's snow in the rain outside. It's officially past Thanksgiving.

Some thoughts after Thanksgiving

-- Want a delicious turkey with a brown and crackly-crispy turkey skin? Thaw (if applicable). Wash and pat dry, inside and out. Rub cavity generously with kosher salt. Butter the outside of that sucker to within an inch of its life, then butter it some more. I recommend using a brush, but if you can handle the melted butter without discomfort, use your hands. Preheat oven to 350F, then reduce to 325F as soon as the bird goes in. Time at 15 minutes per pound (12 pounds = 3 hours). Test with thermometer to avoid emergency room unpleasantness. Is delicious.

-- For leftovers, it's hard to beat the following: Soft white bread; sliced turkey breast; mayonnaise (really paint it on there, too); Clausen pickle halves, cut into quarter-inch half-moons. Combine into sandwich and consume. It's amazing.

-- For excellent pumpkin pie, use: 1 can filling + 1 can condensed milk + 3/4 c. brown sugar + 1/2 t. cinnamon, 1/4 t. ginger, 1/4 t. nutmeg, 1/8 t. cloves. Pour into pie shell and bake in preheated 400F oven for 15 minutes, then reduce heat to 375F and bake for 35 minutes. It's the brown sugar (instead of white) that really makes the difference.

-- Home is where the heart is, and family is where you feel at home. It sounds really corny, but this year I discovered that it's really true.

-- They're showing commercials for the Tintin movie, and I am so darn excited it's not even funny. And it doesn't come out for like three more weeks! Argh! #firstworldproblems

-- One part Trader Joe's Wintry Blend coffee + two parts World Market-brand decaf = my stash may just last me 'til summer this year, and I won't get the jitters. (Yeah, I'm drinking coffee again. It's soothing. But I'm stricly half-caf.)

-- Now that my household is all organized and clean and running smoothly, I understand like never before the saying that cleanliness is next to godliness. An ordered environment is the sign of an ordered soul. (Messy desks and genius are in a different category.)

-- I have never been so thankful for my situation as I am right now. I'm almost reluctant to let myself feel it because I'm afraid, at a visceral level, that something will come out of left field and ruin everything. I take this as a moment to practice my reliance on God. And for that, I am doubly thankful.

-- Leftover dressing with giblet gravy is the bomb.

Jingle LOLs

Look at me, bein' all literary an' stuff.

After discussing the matter with a coworker, I have come to the conclusion that Stephen Moffat is the anti-George R.R. Martin. The former sets up a beloved character's death and spends the whole season building up to his escaping said demise. Cue cheers and happy tears from the viewer. The latter does exactly the opposite. Cue anger and book-shaped dents in the drywall. Valar morghulis, indeed.

(A note for any commenters: I'm only just finishing A Storm of Swords, so keep your spoilery spoilers to yourself. XOXO kthxbai.)